Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
