I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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