So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
