Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
