so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
