mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
