i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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