my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
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