Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
