i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
