Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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