walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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