That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
