This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize