apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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