walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
