What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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