You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
