Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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