She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
