i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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