I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
