Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
