So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
