she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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