I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
