the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
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