I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
