everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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