i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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