i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
this beer tastes like vomit already
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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