my sisters under your porch take her home
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
