I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
