i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
