so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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