32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
