You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
