I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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