Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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