I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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