Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
