Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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