it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
