Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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