dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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