you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
