We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
