I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
