just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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