yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
