it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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