***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
