I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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