i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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