She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
