Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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