It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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