My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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