Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
