My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
