he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
