HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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