Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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