i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
organizing the empties. That sober.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
