I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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