Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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