omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
false alarm. still invincible.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize