Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
