you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
