im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Randomize
